better late than never

okay cool so I am back in the blogging world! which seems silly considering I have no followers.... but I suppose that followers will come with consistent posts!

I can't even pick up where I left off considering it was a delusional post with mumbles of jared allen and his mullet and stress from finals. ALOT has happened since then!

I finally went to Ukraine

and traveled

ALOT

I was able to travel all over europe and fall in love with it of course.

When it was time to come back to AMERICUH, I was lucky enough to get an opportunity to visit St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis.

I started my senior year off with recruitment, turned 21, made some friends, you know... :)

This year is amazing so far and I can't wait to write all about it.

mullets and pre-teens

finals week is upon the University of Arizona. the library is crowded, tensions are high and people are moving home for the summer.

technically i have four finals, which makes sense because i am taking four classes. DUH.

i am losing brain cells due to an overload of stimulants, diet coke, snacks, stress, anything and everything.

current state: sitting in the living room of my sorority. criss cross applesauce on the old blue leather couch. i am yearning and searching and desiring something disguised as inspiration! i need to bust out these two essays and i will be halfway free. do it do it do it, but alas. here i am blogging, chatting, watching justin beiber music videos and drooling over jared allen and his mullet.

i am such an academic mess, i smell an all-nighter and i will not lie, i am not excited.

WHATEVER. i need to stop procrastinating, so bye bye.

a bundle of sticks.

shit man. I am watching what's eating gilbert grape right now and this movie is so fucking sad. it also makes me homesick. i miss my greger-man.

while movie hopping via netflix (I started off with SLC Punk, THROWBACK) I am also writing my thank you notes for up 'til dawn. it amazes me how generous people were by donating money and stuffffff. considering how well the event went, I think its tre awesome.

FUN FACT: i leave for europe in like point five seconds. saaayyyy whaaaaaaat? yeah. May 20th. in less than a month i will be in the big UK with two of my besties. now when I say UK I 100% mean UKRAINE not the United Kingdom, although I will be going there too. IM SO PUMPED.

but until then i am FREAKING SWAMPED with work. dagger dagger dagger.

I would keep writing but I'm over it.

APRIL SHOWERS

it's 3:00 in the morning, which is an indicator to me that this is the perfect time to write a new post on my never viewed blog. I am hyped on adderoll and have a million bees buzzing around in my little brain, so please forgive me for the lack of structure or point that this post will have.

okay here it goes:

Up 'til Dawn is in 12 days. 12 days...? that's less than 2 weeks.

So that means in 10 plus 2 days I will be hosting a philanthropic event on the University of Arizona campus where the expected attendance is 750 of my peers.

I will have my executive board there to help with everything little thing that I will need help with, but ultimately, everyone looks to the main leader to place blame or praise upon.

i feel sick.

i can't sleep, i can't think, this event has pitched a tent in my thoughts and has zero intentions of moving right along until 9 pm April 18, 2010.

So of course with this important thought in my head, I have a small capacity for school work. I have a freaking 10 page paper due Thursday... anything done? naww. OMG WHAT AM I DOING? and that paper is only followed by a group project, group debate, another 10 page essay; not to mention tests, quizzes, and reading assignments.

oh right, i also have a job.

and a social life.

I am stressed out and I am honestly concerned that my head might explode.

considering that it is 3:16 now, I think that sleeping is a good option to consider, especially when i have a run planned for 7 am followed by a baking sesh.

thank you cyberworld(that's 80's lingo for yah) for being a public diary.

xoxo

mom's weekend

My mom was in tucson this past weekend and I simply cannot deny that it was ENTIRELY needed and appreciated. With the shopping, cooking, eating, drinking, unconditional loving, my little heart was filled to the brim and was spilling all over the place! It's hard to slow down and realize that sometimes it's necessary to have one of those weekends where you don't check your email until sunday evening and when your phone rings..meh who cares? if it really matters they will leave a message or text you or email you or something! Having one of those weekends semi- refueled me for the next couple of weeks until spring break. I mean, no big deal, these weeks are 'effing INSANE, but as part of this new positivity slash less complaining kick that I'm running with, I think I can handle it!

A big issue that has suddenly errupted into my quiet (well metaphorically not literally) life is this new sudden interest in like 10 guys. Actually, lets be real here. It's more like 4, but for someone who started off the semester with ZERO, it's quite a step-up. Now I'm not going to go into the gory details because how am I supposed to know who reads this? But I will say that I am standing FIRMLY by my original thought on relationships in college. I still think they are unrealistic, they are not useful in growing as in individual and often, girls find that the guy of their dreams that they met that one drunken night at that drunken frat house, turns out to be just like the rest of them, the opposite of what she thought her prince charming was supposed to be.

So if I can't realistically find my prince charming until I'm introducing 25 into my life, why settle? I am totally unopposed to having fun. Now, let me clarify, I am so not advocating sleeping around, but why do we have to make these things so serious by slapping a label on everything? It is just so complicated and messy and YUCK. no thanks. I am far too busy to be some suzy-homemaker girlfriend who focuses on her boyfriend more than herself. and besides, as a 20 year old WOMAN, why would I want a BOYfriend? a MANfriend will do just fine thank you very much!

perhaps I'm jaded. whatever. I just think when you are writing stupid poetry to your boyfriend and stuck(in my eyes) in a relationship that is destined towards marriage without even testing the waters of whoever else is out there, you are an idiot.

But who am I to say what decisions people make? I am not anyone except me, myself and I. I totally believe in love and everything it stands for, just not in my age category (18-24). Love starts when you make personal sacrifices off of daddy's credit card, but again that's just me talking. :]

ANYwho, I will say sianora to the blogging world as I greet my beautifully made bed (thank you mom :] ) with open arms!

xoxo

tuesday

tuesday is such a busy day. i feel like my head is always going to fall off with the added weight that this day brings.

i'm so tired, i don't even want to write!

okay i've convinced myself. good night world!

movie trailers and messy rooms

so tonight was an academic bust. yeah i know i went on a freakout earlier today about how i need to be on my "A Game" and whatever but I just couldn't do it. I mean I have all of my homework done...it just took longer than it should have.

i need to prioritize and do homework before watching 90210 and random movie trailers on apple. but omg its so hard.

that's all, i'm off to read about feminism. PEACE

i'm officially stressed.

So I am the type of person that bites off WAY more than I can chew. I when I can't chew and swallow, I feel like I've failed. And not only have a failed myself, but everyone around me, even the people who obviously don't care. I would love to know why I feel that way, I try to take it as a blessing in disguise that I actually care.

I am trying to stay up on my game this semester but as I am trying so hard, it's still so easy to spill into habits of the past or find myself more worn out every moment. Do I put this upon myself? Do I put my expectations among the planets when they really should be level with my nose and eyes and ears? Yes is the solution to both answers but once a habit sets in, breaking it requires a sledgehammer. I don't have time to find a sledgehammer this semester so I guess my mini heart attacks will have to continue.

THAT'S ALL TODAY because I honestly don't have anymore time to write anything else!

pop!

so, wow! embarking on a new experience in the blogging world. I've never been able to be consistent with a diary so we will see how this goes...

If I'm going to dive in, I might as well go headfirst, holding my breath, hoping that it won't sting too bad. slash I doubt anyone will read this so I guess why not just go all the way?

As a junior in college, 20 years young, I find myself in a bit of a predicament. WHAT THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE?? I am incredibly envious of my friends and peers who have chosen a path and are already succeeding. My life plans change every ten minutes. Career path, grad school, location of life? It scares me. I just had a meeting with my boss this morning, which went quite well. It seems that my successful bullshitting skills are being recognized, just kidding but seriously. Being put in charge of my fellow peers is freaky. I feel like every time I open my mouth, my words are thrown into the universe and land among the stars. They definitely do not impact the earth. God, I wish that I could vocalize and get a response the first time I say something, and what would make that even better would be if my thoughts were spoken in a level 4.5 vocal volume versus the normal 8 or 9.

But, yeah that's another story for another day.

The future is on the tip of my toes. I'm scared that tripping over it would do far worse damage than a skinned knee. But (warning, cliche) I guess fear is what drives us right? Jordin Sparks reminds me to take one step at a time and that there's no need to rush. I mean it's obviously like learning how to fly or falling in love, just one step at a time. :)

Well before I suffocate from all of the CHEESE I'm putting out there, I will bid adieu.